那天的心情

Date: 19th Oct 2008

海啸的到来, 终是在异常风平浪静的背后.

No symptom, no hints, is just happened so unpredictable and out of sudden.
From discover to conclusion… just 3days? from two black shadow till 90% cirrhosis, Dr. has concluded this is inoperable.

Can u imagine how the 90% hurt our heart???
Do they have 10~20% design margin?
I wonder how long is the 10% can last….
I start think of 沈殿霞。。。

Today I do nothing in the office but just reading many articles and websites for finding a hope from the boundless network, sending emails to friends to seek for any successful case or secret recipe for the last hope.

When even Dr. also given up, shall we give up as well??
I tell myself NOWAY, I will regret one day…
Even I am not 名证言顺 to be his daughter-in-law yet, but I remember he is a playful, funny and positive man. 我还希望能亲手递给他拿杯“媳妇茶”，抱一抱他的孙子，教他怎样好像他这样开朗。
他说他爸妈还笑笑的跟他讲电话。。。心很酸，如果我是她，我想我会是panic的那个。

I read many cases, especially those who share their own experience or partner who facing cancer problem, my heart start squeezed together. Chemotherapy, a word always appear in movie, is the biggest challenges… and that actually is just prolong ur life but need a lot suffering, as what I understand…and whether it worth it. I dunno how to comment.

And the pain… mb is even worst than giving birth… since that’s not once time but continuously. I cant imagine how torture is that…

About him, he is very down.
I can see he try to be not too worry, but he said he can’t feel like smile or laugh.
I try to ask him not too worry and sad…he asked me “is not possible I can be happy & not worry, right?!”
I am thinking whether he need time to be alone, calm down and think abt what to do, but I found he will start thinking and don willing to talk a single word…. Then, suddenly pop out something like “he is going to be suffering, is very painful…” “Shall I quite a job and go home? But what I can do if I was there?” “If Dr also said so, I am not Dr. what can I do?!”….mb more than thousands of questions in his mind… and none of us is ready to accept and face this yet.

He also try to be normal and do not act too nervous to talk with his parent and brother. Sometime I think I am even more nervous than him…
I can feel everyone is so scare… his brother keep asking how we shld do…but none of us know to answer the question but just staring at the sms. The feeling is so helpless.

I got even more helpless after talked with Aunt , my dad’s friend, who from Beijing Medical Uni. I was crying when holding the phone in office. Is almost hopeless, and is too cure to know that, if the situation is really that worst.

I am not sure I should tell him, is too cure… I wonder shld I let him know the worst case and ready for the worst case, but mb the situation is not that bad, that might just make everyone worry and being more unhappy. I really don’t know.

Today I found two hopes, one is RED FRUIT OIL and another one is CAcare centre @ Penang, is using natural herbs. With no other option, we gonna try everything.

- If u do have hepatitis, pls do a frequent checkup. Once attack, this is really fast than imagination.
- Liver…. Very important organ. Pls do detox and reduce burden to ur liver… [Friend, don’t drink too much of hard liquor. I know I shld tell myself in the 1st place]
- Life is fragile, just be happy and with no regret of being here and ready to accept that if the day come.
- Wish GOD be with us for the battle, please give us a miracle. Pray to the lord.